Back to Work

Here's a quick update on Jordan: He's perfect! (Just kidding -- okay ... not really)

He's sleeping a little longer. He's flirting with turning over already and his smiles are bigger than ever. He makes me laugh because he cannot stand to have a dirty diaper. And as soon as he goes "poo" -- he wants that diaper off and will scream until he gets clean. (That’s got to be a good sign - right?)

I think Tyler is finally accepting the fact that he's a big brother. Now when Jordan cries, he doesn't ignore him. He'll look at me and say, "baby." He even tries to comfort his little brother by patting his tummy or arm or hold his hand. It's really cute. And this weekend he said "Jordan" for the first time.

I can’t believe it's been almost ten weeks since Jordan was born.

The time has gone by so fast and I've enjoyed every minute ... from those first sleepless nights to his latest late night cooing and grins. Jordan and I have formed a wonderful bond and I'm going to miss spending my days and nights with him and Tyler.

But all that bonding will soon change, because in less than a week I will be back at work, and once again I will be a working mom. I wish I could say I was ready to get back to my desk and computer and leave my boys, but I am not. In fact, I can't describe what it's like to even have to think of someone else taking care of my babies ... and Jordan is still so small and vulnerable, I just feel like he needs his mother to be there for him.

But this is nothing new.

I know I'm not the only mother to feel this way.

Women have to this deal with this everyday, right?

I know once I get back to work and see all my coworkers and begin sinking my teeth into my work, I'll get that drive back into my blood, but for now my world still revolves around applesauce, Curious George and bubbles ... and somehow that's okay with me.

So for the next few days I’ll probably be hugging Tyler and Jordan a little tighter.

Tyler will probably get away with a little more than normal, and yes I may sneak Jordan in the bed with me at night (Todd sleeps so sound --he’ll never know).

I still remember returning to work after my first maternity leave.

It wasn't easy then either. I remember walking into the building and my eyes just tearing up. And as soon as my boss asked me how I was doing -- I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. So I told him we'd talk later -- I just needed to get to work. And once I did, I was okay.

So wish me luck ... and if you have a minute -- tell me how you handled returning back to work or spending time away from your children. It's not as easy as people think.